I have written an article examining how victims of molestation cope with their experience by continuing the abuse (CTA) in the form of three behaviors: promiscuity, bragging, and dysfunctional relationships. Like habits, CTA behaviors manifest over time and are not easy to break. When we are practicing CTA we are owning the experience of abuse in order to feel in control and deny the role of victim. This is often a subconscious reaction to child abuse and adult molestation. Whereas the first article seeks to identify behaviors it does not offer solutions to discontinue CTA. We know how we got here. How do we stop?
Dr. Frances Cress Welsing said, people of color should examine everything in the context of racism/white supremacy; especially the conditioning of our minds. Molestation can be defined as: to break in upon and to disorganize in order to displace. For the sake of this article, we will call the above definition ‘The Method of Molestation’(TMOM). When you break down TMOM you understand the same method was used to enslave Africans; the infiltration (break in upon) of African villages in order to separate (disorganize) African families so to change their status of civilization and environment (displace). The result of the success of TMOM waged against Africans who survived American slavery is ignorance of self. Likewise, the result of the success of TMOM waged against victims of sexual abuse is ignorance of sex; and when we do not know the purpose of self or sex we abuse or continue the abuse (CTA) of both. Therefore, victims of slavery and sexual abuse will follow the same path to discover a solution, and this article offers the following steps:
- Let go of the environment of abuse: We often struggle to keep the company of our abuser or the home of abuse when we are seeking absolution. This is an unhealthy practice as every time you walk into the environment of your abuse you are:
- Subconsciously giving away your power to choose refuge and,
- Re-experiencing the abuse and your abuser
- Get independent: When we escape the environment (plantation) of abuse we have already developed CTA behavior. Amid CTA is the language and sexual behavior of abuse we must emancipate ourselves from. Continuing the behavior of abuse is no different than continuing the culture of slavery after the civil war. In order to reclaim our sexuality, independent of our abuser, we must dismantle the premature appetite for sex we developed during and after abuse by first acknowledging it is not our own.
- The NOI teaches the first step to freedom is changing our name from the name given to us by our oppressor to a native name.
I am not my past.
I am not my thoughts OR
the emotions/behavior they produce.
I AM the consciousness that says, I AM.
Therefore, I am free to exist.
- Get conscious: When African slaves were brought to the antebellum south their knowledge of self had been stunted; they had been stripped of their names (identity) and branded. Likewise, victims of child abuse (sexual) and adult molestation are wrought with a contaminated knowledge of sex and subconsciously begin to label themselves by practicing the CTA behaviors. When we recognize this as our experience and pattern of behavior we have already regained consciousness; now, in order to abstain from CTA, we must work to get the information denied us about sex by our abuser. Most notable ideologies about the purpose of sex will lead to the practice of a disciplined sexuality.
Getting back to the nature of sexuality and self is becoming a student of the knowledge of truth (we were denied) in order to counter the waged war against our body, status of civilization, and identity. We will not know the vast amount of families harmed by TMOM and CTA until we all come out and come forth about our experience and heal. Until then it remains another system of oppression waged against our communities.